I still find the no boner incident funny

I had a rash the night before, in the nut house. She said to drop my pants and/or whatever I was wearing for underwear, probably shorts, even though I said it was only on my stomach.

Well I did so, and afterwards, she was crying a bunch.

I wasn’t 13 when that happened. You expect me to get hard? Or did she just think I have a tiny dick cause it was flaccid? It’s called a grower.

If she wanted it hard, something else would have had to be happening, like something sexual, or porn on her phone, that would do it.

She might have gotten fired if she loaded porn up on her phone for me.
“But he wasn’t getting hard when I tapped it.”
“Did you try fingering him?”
“Eeew, I don’t want shit on my finger!”
“Next time, if you ever get a job, try fingering first, before going the porn route.”
Sorry, due to an ongoing investigation, we have to confiscate your phone.

What do I know? I’m just insane, but the crying seemed to correlate to the pants dropping, that wasn’t necessary. Who would complain about that? Not me, maybe her.

So if you don’t get hard when your gf sees you naked, before she is naked, just close your eyes and think of a trans woman, who might be hotter.
“Damn it, are you thinking about naked trans women again?”
“Yes m’am.”
Teaches you a lesson, with a baseball bat.
“You don’t love me anymore!”
Falls to the floor in a bloody mess.
Police show up for welfare check.
“Excuse me ma’am, what happened to this butt naked man in a pool of blood?”
“He fell.”
Grabs handcuffs, sorry ma’am, we have to take you in.
“I want a lawyer!”
“It’s my blood all over me and the baseball bat I was holding!”
“I had a bloody nose!”
“We’ll need to take you to the ER, for a bloody nose that bad.”
“Sorry officers, we couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Except for the insanity test failure.”

Will people pay to see a hairy flaccid dick? That’s easier than making it hard. And easier to sell porn, then get a proper job.